A brand new year, a brand new me.

Today is the first day of a new year. A brand new beginning and the chance to make 2014 the best year yet. I always say that, I’ll make this year the best year yet, but do I ever really try? No. I go on about my business living my life and making choices that aren’t always the best or smartest or kindest.

2013 was a great year, but it was also one of my hardest years. I started the year by ending a relationship, halfway through the year I left the job that I moved to Baltimore for, started a new job, and started a new relationship. I gained some friends along the way and lost some as well. The circle and evolution of life is how I chose to think of it, but it was also partly my fault. As a new year is upon us, I decided it was time to do some introspection. I can’t continue to say that I’m “outgrowing” friends or make up excuses as to why I couldn’t visit, the holidays were crazy or I just haven’t been feeling well. While both of those are legitimate reasons they have also become excuses from time to time. 

As time goes on and we evolve and grow up friends come and go, but I also think I am too hard on my friends. In most cases I feel like I am the only one putting in the effort, but sometimes I tell myself that so it’s not my fault. I may be putting in the effort by being the first person to initiate making plans, but following through and spending the quality time together is what counts. If I am always the person initiating the thought, I get frustrated and pull away. Not everyone can hang out every week and not everyone can work around my personal schedule. It’s about the quality of the time spent together, not who is more invested in the friendship.

I am also coming to grips that I may have a little anxiety problem that I don’t want to accept. This anxiety can creep up on me when I make plans with a group of people that I don’t know particularly well, when I am doing something different with a friend or when I am required to do some traveling. Driving during rush hour across the county to meet with a friend because that works best for her schedule needs to be made a priority, not an excuse for why I shouldn’t. Getting on a plane by myself to visit my brother or cousins needs to be braved and tackled instead of canceling a flight. Visiting my cousin who just moved thirty minutes away to see his new home and take him out to brunch shouldn’t be put on the back burner for over a month. I fear that people will start to think I am not invested in them and spending time together. It’s not that at all. I just get nervous and it’s easier to cancel and do whats safe than take a risk. 

But I also need to go easy on myself and realize

2014 is going to be about spending time with my friends and family. The people who I love and who have supported me since the very beginning. It’s going to be about taking risks and putting myself in uncomfortable situations in an effort to grow as a person. And 2014 is going to be about living life to the fullest each and every single day. 

Share:Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail to someone